Sunday, August 29th 2010

So…today has been a pretty busy day filled with all the stuff that goes with getting a family ready to go back to school. That includes me! AND…it just hit me a little bit ago.

Taylor, my oldest daughter will be starting her first day of her Senior Year in High School tomorrow. To many of you reading this…this may sound as of no big deal to you…it happens to be something that almost every Mom goes through with their child. Yes…this day was bound and determined to come whether or not I wanted it to.

My truth is…that tomorrow I will be either putting my 17 year old daughter, who has cerebral palsy on a bus or driving her to school for her first day of High School. She will be going on a campus filled with over a thousand students… I have so many mixed emotions that I attempted to write them down…AND then the tears just got in the way…so I decided to record a little video for you…AND maybe just maybe another parent is having a challenging time at this very moment…and they will know that they are not alone.

Until Next Time,

E

(TO COMMENT PLEASE CLICK ON THE ABOVE HEADER)

Friday, August 12th 2010

PART 7

MY JOURNEY WITH JASE (CONTINUED)

FYI: If you are confused at where we are in the story…then you might want to go back and get a re-cap of the last week.

Last we left off…Jase had briefly started seeing the woman he was dating the year before. Due to the circumstances that I am choosing not to share…this affected me more than I realized. I really lost all trust in Jase at that moment…and began to lose faith in God. It hurt so badly, AND at that moment…anger came over me…and consumed me until recently.

This is where Danny comes in. I had met Danny in July of 2009. He is a drummer in a two person acoustic band. My friend invited me to see a new band that she had hired at the time (which happened to be him and his friend). During breaks, he would walk around socializing with people. We talked briefly and once he learned that I was a Special Ed Teacher who teaches children with Autism, he shared concerns that he was having with his son who had been displaying some Autistic characteristics. I told him if he had any future questions to look me up on Facebook. AND he did. Let me just re-iterate to you that Danny is a drummer in a band…and even though he is handsome, charming, and very friendly…He is a drummer in a band, IN LAS VEGAS…and most of all not a Christian. I want to emphasize that there is nothing wrong with being a drummer in Las Vegas. However, in the past…this was the last person I would have ever been interested in due to the stereotypical lifestyle of woman & partying. Also, whatever your faith is….I respect that….I, however…am a woman who believes that Jesus Christ died for all of us…and I believe that in order to get through this life and make it the absolute best possible place it can be…I choose to follow HIM which makes me responsible for strengthening my relationship with God daily…For me, this is hard to do, it can be even more difficult when I don’t have someone by my side who shares my beliefs and passion and with that can also hold me accountable. I TRULY get this now!

Danny contacted me through Facebook, and I really didn’t start talking to him at all until about the middle of August. The void of Jase not being there was evident. AND, to be honest…I started feeling wanted again, needed, attractive. Danny was very honest at the beginning and stressing that he didn’t want a serious relationship… So, I thought..”ok, this might be exactly what I need to keep my mind busy”. My plan…was to have fun, and do my best to stay out of trouble, and to keep my heart guarded. Meanwhile, the end of August…Danny’s Mom passed away. I can’t imagine what it feels like to lose a parent…but I do know how it feels to have pain…he confided in me for nearly the next month. I didn’t really see him much. However, I would get a 1am call here and there…and I would sit with him in front of my house in his car…and he would talk about his Mom,  his concerns, his sorrow, and purely vent. We bonded through this time, and I began to really care about him. Danny and I began to see each other more and more…but still really didn’t see each other too much until around the Holiday time. I believe around the end of September/ beginning of October was the first time he met the kiddos.

Jase was still in all of our lives. I would religiously watch Dallas, Cowboy games with him… (how could I not?) Him and I would get a late night drink here and there… I was doing my best of “trying” to do the best friend thing with him…however, I think secretly…resentment in my heart was brewing. I had FINALLY came to the conclusion that in my mind Jase just wanted to be friends, therefore; I was treating him that way… I brought Danny to watch a  Cowboy game with Jase and a bunch or our other friends. Jase knew I was bringing him. I wanted to get Danny out around other people, and I thought that Jase wouldn’t care, especially if he didn’t have feelings for me. AND Jase was an extremely important part of my life and my children’s life, so I wanted both of them to meet. This is the first time, I ever did anything like this AND needless to say it did not go over too well AND I never brought Danny to watch another Cowboy game again…eek ;-/

I continued to see Danny…AND I continued to watch games with Jase and hang out with him here and there. Jase was very clear that he wanted his own life, his own friends, and wanted to separate from doing life all the time with me. Danny & I were not an official couple, but we were seeing each other more and more. Danny knew about the time I spent with Jase…I was very honest about our relationship with him…and the history that we had. He supported me and knew that Jase’s friendship was important to me. Due to this…I began to really respect him and care about him.

Danny is very kind, he has a great heart, he loves being around kids, he is very funny, and I felt he liked me a lot..I never really knew with him…he wasn’t real open…so I always felt that he was holding something back from me. I really did care about him alot, but he never really expressed that he had feelings for me at all AND I began to wonder why I was compromising my own beliefs when I was with him (i.e: stopped reading the bible, stopped praying before a meal) He never asked me to stop…I did it on my own. He was always willing to help me…and seemed to want to make things easier for me.  He helped me around my home, he was really great with the kiddos, and he was really fun to be around. I think during that time…we were both what we needed.

Thanksgiving came around…he helped me make dinner for 10 people including the kiddos, we started doing all the festive stuff for the Holidays (Christmas shopping, tree trimming, and all that good stuff). At this time, Jase knew I was spending time with Danny…but I don’t think he knew how much. Until, Christmas time.

More tomorrow…AND soon I will be done with the past and in the present day….

Until Next Time,

E

(TO COMMENT PLEASE CLICK ON THE ABOVE HEADER)

Monday, August 9th 2010

PART 3

MY JOURNEY WITH JASE

I went on my first date with Jase on June 1st, 2007 (Yep, I EVEN remember the day!) . We hit it off so well on the phone that I broke my “meet & greet” rule and jumped right into a date with him. I had a feeling that he would be a great one to have dinner with. The chemistry was immediate (it was to me). It was apparent that even the bartender agreed, because she had acknowledged it while he slipped away to the rest room. Our second “meet & greet” was at church. He came to my church to meet me, that gave him extra props in my eyes. Anyway, long story short a few dates later we were quickly spending all of our time together.

The kids left to go to their Dad’s house for the summer right after we met. Jase only had a chance to meet them briefly at the Church. Therefore, other than what I told him…he didn’t know EXACTLY what he was jumping into. We had a busy summer and spent most of our time with each other. If you don’t know already, Jase has his own Seminar Company and is a Personal Development Speaker. He is amazing at what he does. He introduced me to Personal Development (PD) that summer. I think one of the things that intrigued him about me was that I was so happy and just loved life so much ( I really did you know!)…and he had a hard time believing I had never been to a seminar, had never read any PD books, or been down that avenue before. However, I enjoyed learning from him. Enjoyed everything he had to say. He was so positive, so energetic, loved to live life the way I did, we loved the same music, same food, AND he was/is very handsome! We experienced a trip to Puerto Vallarta (which was my first time out of the country). He introduced me to football and taught me all about it. I began to love it and became a die hard Dallas Cowboy’s Fan (which I’m not sure I am happy about…because they know how to break my heart by not winning ), and we went to Church together. That was the first summer that I really lived fully. AND last but definitely not least. I fell in love with him. I would have been positive that he was the one…AND I think for a brief moment he thought I was too (at least that is what I believed). The only thing that was holding me back was that he hadn’t met the kiddos yet.

Then my kiddos came back. Now, let me tell you. My children, especially at that time were 3 very busy kiddos and at times weren’t the easiest. The twins just turned 10 and Taylor was 14 going on 7. The twins were in this fighting with each other stage, and Jorden loved to ask 101 questions (things haven’t changed much in that category) AND Taylor (where do I begin). Taylor had pretty involved behavior challenges, and Erin was getting ready to have an extensive orthopedic surgery in Los Angeles. At that time they weren’t the easiest kiddos even if they didn’t have challenges…but they did and they do.

Even though I prepared him for when the kids came back, I don’t think I could have prepared him enough. Jase is an only child, who has never really been around a large family…so one can only imagine walking into mine could be a little overwhelming (ok,more than a little). At that moment, my biggest fear came true…and the person that I finally loved wasn’t sure if this was the type of lifestyle he wanted….we broke up around August/September.

Wow…this is just the beginning, still not sure how I can explain it all…but will do my best tomorrow.

To Be Continued….

I have been through some of the most memorable events in my life with Jase.

Until Next Time,

E

(TO COMMENT PLEASE CLICK ON THE ABOVE HEADER)

Sunday, August 8th 2010

PART 2

After that 3 year relationship had ended, I began to reach out to more people, have more fun, and was excited and ready for any new adventure that came my way. I was ready to meet an awesome man that I would spend my life with. I was now 31 years of age, I was going to church more…and could feel that I was actually beginning to trust that God was in control of my future (which I didn’t believe before) I was excited to see what was out there. Even though at times I was a sceptic, I was ready to meet my Prince (that is how it works…Isn’t it?) A Prince comes and rescues the average girl away with her 3 kids with special needs in an SUV? (A horse wouldn’t work in this situation) In “my” World…I believe anything is possible (at least I did then that’s for sure).

Las Vegas is a tough city to meet any “normal” guy, let alone a Prince. Therefore, I signed up for Match.Com around May of 2006. I knew summer was fast approaching and that meant the kids would be leaving for a month or two so I would have more time on my hands. Also, Match.Com, gave me the opportunity to screen the guys I was communicating with. I went on a couple…what I call meet & greets. I would meet them to have coffee before I actually agreed to go on a full on date. I didn’t want to waste mine or their time or money if there was no chemistry.. I didn’t really have much luck meeting anyone I thought was a fit, and I was just about to give up. Let me remind you, that whenever I met someone…I had to ask myself the question..”Is this person….Would this person be someone who would be good for my children? I think I actually met 3 or 4 men…and I was very open about my children & my life. I know it can be overwhelming to someone…but my kids are a HUGE part of me…so it needs to be a HUGE factor.

No luck. I expressed my frustration to my friend, Sjohnna..and she logged onto my account to seewhat I had listed on my profile. Before I knew it…I began getting emails after emails from Match.Com from men that I apparently “winked at” (this is Match.com lingo for persued). Sjohnna was sneaky! She logged on and found men that she believed could be a match for me. These were men I probably wouldn’t have picked for myself…plus I had never pursued any man before at anytime, anywhere…so this was a new thing to me period. Well, there is a funny story that goes along with this that I am not going to tell because it would take me too long. The bottom line is this is how I met Jase.

It’s been over 3 years since I met him. AND Wow! It has been a journey. A very eventful 3 years that has been filled with amazing moments, good times, some rough times, some really rough times, AND some life changing moments that I wasn’t aware of until the last couple days. I believe that I am suppose to share most of this journey with you, in order to be extremely authentic, in order to heal, and in order to acknowledge the truth. I will continue on tomorrow….

Until Next Time,

E

(TO COMMENT PLEASE CLICK ON THE ABOVE HEADER)

Friday, August 6th 2010

I was searching for some pictures and going through some videos that Jase and I took back in April of a concert that we went to…long story to why I was searching for this. I will explain later… However, I found a video of all of my children at the Rock & Road Worship Show in Las Vegas, NV in April. Jase & I took the kids to see the concert with some of our friends. I didn’t know that I had this of the kids. This video impacted me. I saw what a community we have AND most of all I remembered years ago when Taylor was 5 years old and she was barely speaking and the Doctor told me that she would never speak in complete sentences, and NOW look at her! Singing for God!! If that’s not a testimony, I’m not sure what is. God is great…I have been so wrapped up in my own happiness lately that I JUST now realized that I have been given SO many miracles and I would be a fool if I didn’t praise Him!

Until Next Time,

E

(TO COMMENT PLEASE CLICK ON THE ABOVE HEADER)