Friday, August 12th 2010

PART 7

MY JOURNEY WITH JASE (CONTINUED)

FYI: If you are confused at where we are in the story…then you might want to go back and get a re-cap of the last week.

Last we left off…Jase had briefly started seeing the woman he was dating the year before. Due to the circumstances that I am choosing not to share…this affected me more than I realized. I really lost all trust in Jase at that moment…and began to lose faith in God. It hurt so badly, AND at that moment…anger came over me…and consumed me until recently.

This is where Danny comes in. I had met Danny in July of 2009. He is a drummer in a two person acoustic band. My friend invited me to see a new band that she had hired at the time (which happened to be him and his friend). During breaks, he would walk around socializing with people. We talked briefly and once he learned that I was a Special Ed Teacher who teaches children with Autism, he shared concerns that he was having with his son who had been displaying some Autistic characteristics. I told him if he had any future questions to look me up on Facebook. AND he did. Let me just re-iterate to you that Danny is a drummer in a band…and even though he is handsome, charming, and very friendly…He is a drummer in a band, IN LAS VEGAS…and most of all not a Christian. I want to emphasize that there is nothing wrong with being a drummer in Las Vegas. However, in the past…this was the last person I would have ever been interested in due to the stereotypical lifestyle of woman & partying. Also, whatever your faith is….I respect that….I, however…am a woman who believes that Jesus Christ died for all of us…and I believe that in order to get through this life and make it the absolute best possible place it can be…I choose to follow HIM which makes me responsible for strengthening my relationship with God daily…For me, this is hard to do, it can be even more difficult when I don’t have someone by my side who shares my beliefs and passion and with that can also hold me accountable. I TRULY get this now!

Danny contacted me through Facebook, and I really didn’t start talking to him at all until about the middle of August. The void of Jase not being there was evident. AND, to be honest…I started feeling wanted again, needed, attractive. Danny was very honest at the beginning and stressing that he didn’t want a serious relationship… So, I thought..”ok, this might be exactly what I need to keep my mind busy”. My plan…was to have fun, and do my best to stay out of trouble, and to keep my heart guarded. Meanwhile, the end of August…Danny’s Mom passed away. I can’t imagine what it feels like to lose a parent…but I do know how it feels to have pain…he confided in me for nearly the next month. I didn’t really see him much. However, I would get a 1am call here and there…and I would sit with him in front of my house in his car…and he would talk about his Mom,  his concerns, his sorrow, and purely vent. We bonded through this time, and I began to really care about him. Danny and I began to see each other more and more…but still really didn’t see each other too much until around the Holiday time. I believe around the end of September/ beginning of October was the first time he met the kiddos.

Jase was still in all of our lives. I would religiously watch Dallas, Cowboy games with him… (how could I not?) Him and I would get a late night drink here and there… I was doing my best of “trying” to do the best friend thing with him…however, I think secretly…resentment in my heart was brewing. I had FINALLY came to the conclusion that in my mind Jase just wanted to be friends, therefore; I was treating him that way… I brought Danny to watch a  Cowboy game with Jase and a bunch or our other friends. Jase knew I was bringing him. I wanted to get Danny out around other people, and I thought that Jase wouldn’t care, especially if he didn’t have feelings for me. AND Jase was an extremely important part of my life and my children’s life, so I wanted both of them to meet. This is the first time, I ever did anything like this AND needless to say it did not go over too well AND I never brought Danny to watch another Cowboy game again…eek ;-/

I continued to see Danny…AND I continued to watch games with Jase and hang out with him here and there. Jase was very clear that he wanted his own life, his own friends, and wanted to separate from doing life all the time with me. Danny & I were not an official couple, but we were seeing each other more and more. Danny knew about the time I spent with Jase…I was very honest about our relationship with him…and the history that we had. He supported me and knew that Jase’s friendship was important to me. Due to this…I began to really respect him and care about him.

Danny is very kind, he has a great heart, he loves being around kids, he is very funny, and I felt he liked me a lot..I never really knew with him…he wasn’t real open…so I always felt that he was holding something back from me. I really did care about him alot, but he never really expressed that he had feelings for me at all AND I began to wonder why I was compromising my own beliefs when I was with him (i.e: stopped reading the bible, stopped praying before a meal) He never asked me to stop…I did it on my own. He was always willing to help me…and seemed to want to make things easier for me.  He helped me around my home, he was really great with the kiddos, and he was really fun to be around. I think during that time…we were both what we needed.

Thanksgiving came around…he helped me make dinner for 10 people including the kiddos, we started doing all the festive stuff for the Holidays (Christmas shopping, tree trimming, and all that good stuff). At this time, Jase knew I was spending time with Danny…but I don’t think he knew how much. Until, Christmas time.

More tomorrow…AND soon I will be done with the past and in the present day….

Until Next Time,

E

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Friday, August 6th 2010

I was searching for some pictures and going through some videos that Jase and I took back in April of a concert that we went to…long story to why I was searching for this. I will explain later… However, I found a video of all of my children at the Rock & Road Worship Show in Las Vegas, NV in April. Jase & I took the kids to see the concert with some of our friends. I didn’t know that I had this of the kids. This video impacted me. I saw what a community we have AND most of all I remembered years ago when Taylor was 5 years old and she was barely speaking and the Doctor told me that she would never speak in complete sentences, and NOW look at her! Singing for God!! If that’s not a testimony, I’m not sure what is. God is great…I have been so wrapped up in my own happiness lately that I JUST now realized that I have been given SO many miracles and I would be a fool if I didn’t praise Him!

Until Next Time,

E

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Tuesday June 22^nd, 2010

Last night  we were unable to connect to the internet, therefore I thought I would write a brief paragraph that described Day #1 of Eden & Joy’s Awesome adventure (we changed it from great to awesome) It has been a success! We arrived in Newport Bay (where we are calling home for the week) safely around 4:00 and walked until we reached the beach area. It was great to walk slowly in out of the boutiques and cute little independent shops while we were able to chat with the owners and the patrons. I experience a few Firsts today! The First time I ever paid and drove on a toll road, the first time I ever rode a Ferry, the first time I ate a rainbow sprinkled covered marshmallow, AND the first time in a very long time that I put my happiness first! It feels awesome! I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow

Stay Tuned…

Until Next Time,

E

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Sunday, June 13th 2010

Last night I had the opportunity to attend one of my best friends Surprise Birthday Party. When I was going through my teenage years I had these two best friends that I did so much with (i.e: obsessed about boys with, snuck out to meet boys, & did all those things we were NOT supposed to do!) In fact, I think my Mom & Dad thought THEY were the bad influence…and really that was far from the truth. I believe it was the other way around. It was so fun to look at old pics and see where we are all now.

I love these girls! No matter where life takes us and no matter what path we each follow I know without a doubt that their friendships will still be their at the end of the day. Everyone should be able to say that about someone in their lives.

I pray that my children will each have friendships like these…that no matter what happens in life and they KNOW that they have “that friend” or “those friends” that will be standing next to them to hold their hand and help carry them through the tide.

Lately, I worry most about my Little Erin with making friends. She doesn’t have many. The ones she does have are the ones at church. She doesn’t really have a friend that would come and hang out at the house. My Mom and I were talking about it yesterday and how we are concerned that she really has no interests other than her love for horses. I asked her, “What kind of music do you like?”, She replies with, “I don’t know”. I asked her “What’s your favorite movie?”…”I don’t know she says…”. Everything is “I.D.K.” (Isn’t that a band here in Vegas? ) I do know however, she loves to be around people…and can see how much she wants to be loved in return. It’s hard for me to connect to her sometimes, because I am such an extrovert and she is such the opposite.

Even though I am anxious about the kids leaving for the summer to see their Dad. I am excited for her because she has such a huge connection with her Grandmother in Tennessee. I am excited that she gets to spend that time with her. It is a relief that Erin has that person she connects with like that. In the meantime, I need to come up with ways to get her connected with a peer group when she gets back so that she will have the opportunity to have a friend that she can relate to and experience growing up with. It probably would be best for her to find someone that has similar challenges that she does…I believe that is so important.

Until Next Time,

E

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Sunday, May 23, 2010

Feet didn’t hit the floor this morning in the Little House until 9AM. That’s a sign…a sign that we had all had an extremely busy weekend and we were exhausted! The craziness started immediately on Friday after school when the girls had a hair appointment at Diva Studios here in Henderson, NV. I made an appointment with Lisa Brooks (the Owner). She attends our church and knows the girls enough that she feels very comfortable with them. Plus, she is extremely stylish herself and I wanted them each to have a fun and spunky new doo that will help emphasize each of their individual personalities! She was just the woman to do it! They look awesome…and a new video will soon to follow!

Saturday morning the alarm clock went off early. I hit the gym as soon as I could get there and had a pretty intense workout with my trainer, Ian. I  have been going on 2 months of working out consistently and I am a little discouraged by the amount of weight I have lost. I’m going on 7-8 pounds of weight loss. I thought I would be at 20 pounds (which is what my goal is). The challenge for me that I am having is writing everything that I eat down, and also planning ahead for meals. I’m so used to being “in the moment” that planning is something I definitely need to work on! I am hoping that this will improve when I am off for the summer. Only a week and 2 days left! Yes!

After the workout, I headed home to get the kiddos ready for the day. They had a friend of ours coming to pick them up to take them to the monthly event that the Starlight Foundation puts on every month. Our friend Danielle came over at 1:30 to take them to Boulder City, where they got to go on a train ride and be entertained by a Magician in the process. They had a blast! Meanwhile, I headed across town to my good friend Robyn’s Surprise Baby Shower where I was able to surprise the heck out of her with a bunch of great gals! Then…I hustled home…to help Taylor get ready for an awesome night of fun with our friend Melody. Melody and Taylor got to go see Carrie Underwood. What a blast Taylor had with her! Thanks Melody!!!

After dropping Tay off with Mel, the twins and I headed to our church where we attended the Saturday night service. This weekend was an open baptism weekend. Where pools were set outside in front of the church for people to be baptized in and give their lives to Christ. We stood outside and watched this last night, and were very touched by all of the people who were walking into the pools with their spouses, children, & extended families. Pretty cool to see! I was touched so much by it..that after I woke up this morning I took Taylor to see it. 903 people gave their lives to Christ this weekend. Now, thats something to celebrate!

While Taylor was at the concert, Jase had a friend in town…and they came over to hang out with the twins. We all played Rock Band for a bit. They had a blast rockin’ it on the mic and beatin’ the drums to death! So did I!!! We even busted out with many different hats to rock to our own beat.

After Church this morning, I made an early dinner that included spaghetti, meatballs, garlic bread, & a salad. (I, myself, stuck to eating the salad & meatballs) No carbs for me!!!! Then, I was able to run to the gym for a workout that included an hour of Belly Dancing with my girlfriend, Mandi and her daughters. I am not sure how much of a workout it was…but it was definitely a class we won’t ever forget. I have to be honest…I never knew some of my body parts could move that way before. Hmmm, I think I need to practice. I’ve been told, that I can be a pretty good dancer, however after this class….I beg to differ. At least, we got some good laughs. The instructor kept looking in my direction and chuckled a few times. I am glad I could be of amusement to her! I think the highlight for her was when all of the other class attendees busted out with these beautiful scarves/fabric to use during the dance routine. Yes, I said, “dance routine”, and Mandi and I busted out with our white workout towels! Hey, we are both mothers! We know how to accommodate!

After the class, I came home and enjoyed the remainder of the evening on my couch with the girls…Needless to say, sitting next to me is a pile of laundry! However, the kiddos and I had tons of fun this weekend! Now, sleep is calling my name!

Until Next Time,

E

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