Tuesday, August 10th 2010
PART 4
MY JOURNEY WITH JASE (CONTINUED)
Jase and I officially broke up in August/September…but for some reason it didn’t stop us from doing life or being together… I could sense that he cared about me, but he was holding back so much and resisted being with me. Wow, as I reflect on it now…I’m not sure what kept me hanging on. Maybe it was my fear that I wasn’t good enough for him. I’m really not sure…AND reflecting back I can see where at times I had been pathetic, needy, and should have (by society’s standards) let him go along time ago. However, something inside of me was saying “Stick with it…love him unconditionally”. So I did. I want to explain…that I knew how to go in relationships when the time was right. I had always done so before…and this time was different.
Even though the next year was a year of ups and downs…of us being together & not being together…of not knowing what the future looked
like for us we became stronger in our Faith of God together, we attended Bible courses together, we were baptized together, my children and I started attending a new church (Central Christian Church in Henderson, NV) that Jase introduced me to. We even went on our first Mission Trip to Mexico. We loved it so much that we went on another one in May and led the worship for the trip. We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas together with the kids. He taught me more about the Dallas Cowboys which caused me to become a lifetime Dallas Fan (not sure if I am happy about this).
We were unsure of what was happening in our relationship…but at that the same time we were both a huge part in developing and strengthening our relationship with God together. We never really fought much that first year…everything was always so up in the air…so I never knew where I stood in his eyes & most of all I allowed for it to continue.
Summer was beginning to start again. One of my dreams had always been to go to New York City. Jase gathered a bunch of my friends together and they all pitched in money and purchased me a plane ticket to NYC with extra money for shopping! It was awesome. I was able to go for a week in the summer with one of my girlfriends. AND then I came back from New York and all H-E-double hockey sticks broke loose… even though Jase and I weren’t “officially” dating…AND he had vividly expressed that he wasn’t sure I was the one that he wanted to be with the rest of his life. Without going through too many personal details that him and I experienced that summer. It was a whirlwind of emotions and pain for both of us. There were choices that we both made that weren’t the smartest choices, which caused heartache & hurt that until very recently continued to still be evident.
I have still so much to write however writing what I have has already brought me so much healing…I will explain what I am currently feeling and experiencing later after I explain the last few years. I was so frustrated and all I could think of was all the negative things that Jase and I had experienced in the past, and now suddenly…I am only seeing the good…or only focusing on the good, because really that is all that matters to me anymore.
More tommorrow…
Until Next Time,
E
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9:05 am
You’ve got an epic goin on here with these last few blogs, and you got me on the edge of my seat waiting for tomorrow to read some more.
That being said, I love your transparency Eden. Gutsy, very, very gutsy. Thanks so much for sharing, and I know that if you have been led to share so much, so openly, on such a public forum, then God is working MIRACLES is somebody’s life right now.
Talk to you later….
(really miss seeing the kids in fuse btw, cant wait to see em’ again….)