Saturday, July 3rd 2010
To my regular readers: I would like to first say, I am sincerely sorry for breaking my promise to you. I made a deal that I would blog every day for 365 days and yesterday I made a choice to avoid the computer, my phone, and chose to spend a day in bed to avoid the hurt that I was and am feeling, and attempted to avoid any other future pain by avoiding the World.
I’m not sure what is going to happen in the future, but for now I feel like I have lost my best friend for good…someone who I talk to everyday, someone who when an exciting
event or funny moment happens is the first one to call me and me to call him, someone who would watch over me when I was sick, and someone who I got to celebrate all the silly, goofy, things with. I could go on and on..I am sad. I miss him terribly. Tomorrow will be The 4th of July, and I won’t have the opportunity to be with the people I love most in this World. Taylor, Jorden, & Erin are in Tennessee with their Dad AND Jase and I have decided to spend The Fourth of July apart this year.
Without going into too much detail…It has taken me to realize what I had only to lose it first. Isn’t their a famous saying that goes with that? In the past, when obstacles or personal pain has occured in my life I have had no other choice but to get up, attend to the kids, and/or go to work. Yesterday, it seemed as if the pain has intensified since I have had no one to tend to, no where to be, and nothing I have to do. This has made me realize that there are many times I hide behind my children to avoid feeling hurt. When in actuality, I now believe I needed to feel this so I could change a pattern that has been re-occurring in my life for so long. I don’t think that I believed that I could have everything I ever wanted…which was a possible cause for turmoil to occur.
I wish I knew what I had when I had it. I wish we knew what we had…but for now, let the healing begin as I let hope and faith kick in. I give it all to God and have faith that He will give it both back to us or give us each something better than we can even imagine.
Instead of experiencing the day I did yesterday I decided when I woke up this morning to get in my car and drive. I ended up in San Diego where I get to spend The Fourth of July on the beach with my good friend Sjohnna.
Until Next Time,
E
P.S: I just read this entry back…and I wouldn’t be surprise if it made no sense to you, my reader…However, at this time…I don’t know what else to write or how to write it.
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