Saturday, January 30th, 2010
A continuum of yesterday…
I asked for council from my friend Rocky yesterday. Rocky is an avid reader of my blog. As far as I know he reads daily and really believes in what I am doing. I asked him for his guidance about what I am writing. I often wonder…Is this interesting? Am I writing enough? Do people care? What should I write? Am I holding back? What is this blog supposed to accomplish? Who should read this? The truth of the matter is…I am not feeling as motivated as I was before in regards to writing this blog. AND the truth is…I committed to writing this for 365 days. In the past I have not done well with following through with what I say …i.e: losing 20 pounds, organizing my house, reading, working out 4-5 x’s a week, etc.. Should I go on? I refused to let this blog be something I didn’t follow through with! I made a commitment to you as a reader and most of all to God.
So…I decided to reach out, I spoke with Rocky and he asked me one question… “What information are you holding back?” Rocky knows me well enough to know that I haven’t been 100% authentic when writing…and he also knows me well enough to know that my intentions are to be 100% authentic. So, I thought about it last night…about what I wanted to accomplish through writing this blog. This is what I came up with…I was told when I was 16 years old when I became pregnant with Taylor that I wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything great with my life. Then when Taylor was born 4 months premature I was told by the doctors and others that no only would I never be able to accomplish anything great in life but she would never amount to anything in HER life.
Up until 6 years ago I always believed that I was only worthy of having a certain life. So for 10 years I spent my days taking my children to therapies, doctor’s appt., being a typical housewife and doing all the typical housewife stuff. Don’t get me wrong…I am grateful for those 10 years because I was able to be at home with my children and really establish a relationship with each of them. I was blessed to be able to be there for them and provide exactly what they needed in order to give them a more productive life. I wouldn’t trade those 10 years for anything. However, I didn’t go on a vacation those 10 years, I weighed 30 pounds more than I do now, I never believed that I was ever worthy or capable of graduating from College or looking a certain way, or feeling a certain way. Therefore, my marriage and life reflected it. I was told early on that I “couldn’t” or “wouldn’t” have what I dreamed of or wanted in my life. I realize now…how truly unhappy I was. I was so unhappy with myself that how could I be happy with any partner in my life. My ex-husband could have been Brad Pitt and I still wouldn’t have been happy. I didn’t have God in my life, I believed I was unworthy of anything! Especially, unworthy of being loved unconditionally. I will explain more tomorrow.
Tonight, I will leave you with this….
This is a blog about living. Living the life that God intended for each of us to live. So…what am I going to write about? Simply, how my children and I live.
Until next time,
E
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2:59 pm
Yes I am an avid reader. I usually pull your blog up 10 to 12 times a week (I keep checking for new ones). I do believe in you. When I look at the photo from the night we first met, I can see that I was sensing something very special in you. Then over a year later when I met Erin & Jorden, I was struck by these children and their amazing open hearts. Honestly, I wanted to take them home. Finally, last month, I finally got to meet Taylor and experience her smile and one of her famous hugs.
I have said it before, and I will say it again. For a single mom to get by with a child that has Cerebral Palsy – that is a tough job. For a single mom to make a life with THREE children that have Cerebral Palsy is next to impossible. You have not only done this, you have given your kids a sense of independence and HUGE loving giving hearts. God knew what he was doing. You are one of his most special angels here on this Earth. God never gives us more than we can handle so I KNOW God has a very high opinion of you.
From the moment I met you I found it very easy to love you. Who couldn’t? You are like dessert – everybody loves dessert and we always want just a little more!
The first time my web site ever received an email telling me how someone decided against suicide because of something I wrote, it moved me because I was blessed to touch someone I would never meet in person.
As I see from your blog, you are already touching people and there are many of them you will never meet. It seems that God is using you as a source of love, hope, faith, and strength for others. You are becoming the Rock for others to lean on.
I love you. I love your children. I love your blog. I love watching how this is developing.
Rocky
3:36 pm
I love you too Rocky! Thanks for all your thoughts…and I treasure your imput!
12:35 pm
This is wonderful, Eden. You are right on point. The blog is about life, and you and your children are certainly living a great one! Thanks for sharing this with the world.
Shanin